


like me

by calvinahobbes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), 5 Times, M/M, Sharing Clothes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-10 09:38:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18657814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calvinahobbes/pseuds/calvinahobbes
Summary: Five times Dan stole Phil's outfit and one time he didn't. Or, Dan confronts the be you/do you conundrum.





	like me

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to autumnhearth for kind and thoughtful beta work! And thank you to kabal42 for queer reading.

It’s not on purpose the first time it happens. (That's a lie. It might not be conscious, but that's another matter entirely.) Dan is standing in front of his wardrobe and having one of those crises he's been feeling more and more prone to. None of his clothes look good on him any longer, and he doesn't know why. He doesn't know why sometimes he'll put something on and feel fine and then fifteen minutes later he'll want to scream, because the fit is wrong or the color is stupid or… something.

So it's just a stroke of luck that he finds a plaid button-down hiding in the back of his wardrobe. He remembers his mum picking it out for him -- _“This is nice, Daniel. It's a bit of color for you, isn't it?”_ \-- and how he’d cleverly done all his eye-rolling and pretend retching to her turned back. He’d let her put it in their basket, and he’d most certainly let her pay for it. And then he’d worn it once this summer when she'd suddenly remembered it was an item of clothing he owned. When it came back from the wash he hadn't even bothered to hang it or fold it, just crammed it into the back with his old gym shorts. He doesn't know what compels him to pull it out, but suddenly he actually does feel like wearing a spot of color. 

The red and white checks are crumpled, but he figures that can just be the style (he's certainly not going to iron his weekend clothes, he's not that much of a dweeb). He thinks it should go over a white tee, so he pulls out one of those and takes another look in the mirror. He's having a moderately good hair day, except there's too much volume or something. He wishes he could get it to lie flatter, or maybe not lie flatter but like drape better. Yeah, weight is what he wants. Even when his hair is neatly straightened there’s a bounce or volume to it that looks like it's about to take off in all directions any minute. Which is not wrong. On especially moist days his hair truly can't be trusted. He curses his bad genes for the hundred thousandth time.

He steps back from Hair Shaming Round Five Billion And Ten and pauses. He feels good for some reason? He feels… pleased or maybe even… hot… or something. Yeah, he feels good. He thinks he looks kind of alright, actually.

It's not until he's getting lunch in the kitchen that he makes the connection. He honestly doesn't know how it takes him so long. He's getting a sandwich when his mum comes in, pets him on the back and says, “That's a nice shirt on you. You look good in a bit of colour,” (as if she doesn't know exactly what shirt this is) and the image of Phil just pops into his brain. He's so flustered that he completely forgets to answer her, surprise and confusion and embarrassment warring inside his mind.

How did that happen? Yes, he may think AmazingPhil is kind of ridiculously hot and attractive. But that doesn't mean he wants to _be_ AmazingPhil. At least… not like that. And yes he's idly dreaming of a YouTube channel kind of like Phil's, and yes he’d absolutely die if Phil ever took any proper notice of him. But, as an equal, surely. Not like a poor, uncreative carbon copy of him. 

He chews his sandwich on his way back to his room, the taste barely registering. Should he take the shirt off? He thinks about it for a moment. No, he feels too good in it. Now that he's thinking more clearly about it he's realising that the reason he feels good is that it is making him feel closer to Phil. There's an odd thrill that goes through his stomach at that thought. It's mostly pleasant but also a bit threatening. He doesn't care though. No one beside him will ever know. They won't recognise the style or they’ll only think it's a generic emo fad. He can have this, and it will just be for him.

He opens his laptop to see if anything is happening on Twitter.

***

The second time _is_ on purpose. He's been talking to Phil for a while now (talking, wishing, thinking there's something there…), and he's pretty honest to himself at least about how desperately he wants more of that attention. When he posts the Dailybooth picture he mostly wants to remind Phil about their common love for Muse, and maybe (hopefully) make him think about their first ever proper chat they had.

On MSN later Phil writes to him and it's honestly more than Dan expected.

 **Phil** : Nice shirt, Howell ;]  
**Dan** : thanks! xP  
**Phil** : R U in your pants!? O.O

Dan blushes a little, but knows he should play it off. He is very gratified that Phil has been looking that closely, though.

 **Dan** : lol can't believe you spotted that XD  
**Phil** : Can I tell you a secret? :O

His heart does a little tumble at that.

 **Dan** : Always <3  
**Phil** : Neither was I…  
**Dan** : lol i thought as much XD XD  
**Phil** : Did you???????  
**Dan** : [:

He is definitely not going to admit to how closely _he_ has been studying Phil's photo since he posted it four days ago. With the black and white quality he honestly couldn't be sure, but that slim sliver of white by Phil's left arm had been holding his attention almost as much as the freckle on his exposed collar bone.

 **Dan** : couldn't find an exact shirt tho  
**Dan** : this was the best i could do  
**Phil** : Bet you'd look good in anything :x

It's another one of those things that Phil will just _say_ that Dan is never going to know how to interpret. Is he just reading far too much into all this? An idea occurs to him, though.

 **Dan** : or …. nothing???  
**Phil** : :O  
**Dan** : hmm now there's an idea *thinky face*  
**Phil** : I am either going to love your Dailybooth or hate it o.o  
**Dan** : lol why hate  
**Phil** : ;]

They veer off into safer territory after that, and Dan is both relieved and disappointed, but he can't help thinking back on their exchange later and feeling oddly satisfied.

***

It opens up a whole new avenue of conversation for them, and he knows it's only meant as a joke when Phil starts greeting him with "what are your wearing" when they start their chats, but it still does something funny to his insides every time.

 **Phil** : Hello, Daniel :]  
**Dan** : phil! hi :]]  
**Phil** : Sooo… what are you wearing? ;]  
**Dan** : lol

He doesn't know why he actually hesitates ever so briefly before answering. He can be completely truthful, but maybe Phil will start to think he's a bit one-sided in his conversation.

 **Dan** : my Muse t-shirt actually :3  
**Phil** : Cool! I have one too! Which one do you have!?

Phil's enthusiasm puts him immediately at ease.

 **Dan** : just a black holes one. it's black XD  
**Phil** : I have one of those! Only mine's red  
**Dan** : =D  
**Phil** : Ohh, now I wanna go put it on!  
**Dan** : we can be Muse twins!  
**Phil** : BRB  
**Dan** : ?

There's no response from Phil for a while. Dan almost worries that he's been called away by his parents and will soon come back to say goodbye before they've even started.

 **Dan** : what happened  
**Dan** : :'[  
**Phil** : There!  
**Dan** : what?  
**Phil** : WE''re twins XD

It takes a moment for him to figure out where Phil had gone.

 **Dan** : did you actually just go change  
**Dan** : :O  
**Phil** : XD  
**Dan** : should've been on Skype ;__;  
**Phil** : :D :D :D

He hesitated for a moment before writing that, so Phil's response is quite a relief. It gives him the courage he needs to pursue this just a little bit further.

 **Dan** : i bet you look nicer tho  
**Dan** : my shoulders look all skinny in it  
**Phil** : You have nice shoulders!  
**Dan** : nooo i have skinny shoulders  
**Dan** : YOU have nice shoulders  
**Phil** : ._.  
**Phil** : <3  
**Dan** : i just look like a twink  
**Phil** : Dan!  
**Dan** : ._.  
**Phil** : If you look like a twink, I look like a twink!

He doesn't quite know how to answer that, and the curser is left blinking in the chat window for a bit too long.

 **Phil** : We do look a bit similar, don't we?  
**Dan** : we do, only i look like the baby emo version of you

He is actually surprised that Phil thinks they're anything alike. He thought it was just him that was slowly going crazy, no longer quite able to identify what is sane and insane behaviour in this acquaintance. The sane thing now is to redirect, however, or he'll be sat with a whole can of worms he won't know how to deal with.

 **Dan** : plus you have way better hair than i do :3  
**Phil** : I can't believe you just called us both twinks! LOL :P  
**Dan** : well that's certainly the category we'd be in on … certain sites xD  
**Dan** : which is ironic because my nickname is actually bear

There is absolutely no telling what makes him type out those words. His heart is beating and he's wishing, not for the first time, that there were a way to take back the stuff you type in a chat window.

 **Phil** : Daniel Howell! What kinds of websites do you visit!?  
**Phil** : Wait - it is? That's adorable :3  
**Dan** : :3  
**Dan** : 0:] none. only youtube

Phil doesn't respond immediately, which drives Dan closer to more insane behaviour. 

**Dan** : and your Dailybooth so i can  
**Dan** : stare :O  
**Phil** : :p

He is both relieved and disappointed at Phil's non-response. At this point he honestly doesn't know what's worse, Phil thinking he's just joking or Phil thinking he's too much and wishing he would just back off already. But it seems as if he's touched on something Phil feels strongly about, as the chat comments are coming quickly now.

 **Phil** : Those kinds of categories, though…  
**Phil** : They don't really mean anything.  
**Phil** : They're just a way for people be shallow about other people.  
**Phil** : Why can't you just like someone because you like them?

Dan understands the sentiment, and he does think it's sweet. But he's also seen the kinds of people Phil talks to online. It's what's given him hope that maybe…

 **Dan** : are you saying you DON'T have a type, Phil Lester?? [: [: :P  
**Phil** : I am!  
**Dan** : XD  
**Phil** : STopit!

Phil seems genuinely put out, so Dan won't push him any further. Maybe he honestly feels he doesn't have a type, and Dan certainly should not be the one to judge.

 **Dan** : :P :P :P  
**Phil** : Well  
**Dan** : ??? :D  
**Phil** : It might be several things, right? Like  
**Phil** : You might just think someone is hot  
**Phil** : But then that's it.  
**Phil** : You can't really like someone until you know what they're like :3

This makes something in Dan's stomach flutter. He takes a breath and takes a tiny chance. They're just talking in general terms, after all.

 **Dan** : that's true.  
**Dan** : love and attraction are two very different things  
**Phil** : ._.

Phil's little smiley face is making him feel things, so he takes another tiny chance, which is not without their usual range of smileys anyway.

 **Dan** : <3  
**Phil** : <3

He sits with the warmth of how quickly Phil types back for a little while, letting it roll around his body. Their exchange feels like yet another step forward, another step in the direction of liking Phil even more, another step in the direction of Phil _knowing_ Dan even better. He feels as if Phil has confided something in him, and he wants to pay him back somehow, show him another piece of the complicated puzzle that is Daniel Howell in 2009.

 **Dan** : i like being twins tho  
**Phil** : Yeah :]

Phil's response is all he needs to keep going.

 **Dan** : the first time i wore that plaid shirt i didn't even notice how it reminded me of you until later. but it did. i think that's why i even put it on in the first place  
**Phil** : That's so sweet, Dan. I'll definitely wear my Muse t-shirt and think of you now.

This makes so many emotions bubble up in him that he wants to run around the whole house screaming his head off. He grins stupidly at his laptop screen. 

They're both quiet for a while until Phil is actually pulled away by his dad who wants him to go shopping, so they say goodbye, and Dan is left to read back over everything they've said to each other, still feeling excitement flutter in his stomach for hours afterwards.

***

The fourth time it really comes up again, their circumstances are so different. In fact, when Dan looks back at the past few months he can hardly believe how much has happened, how much his life has changed and how much he has changed in turn.

He wakes up next to Phil, who is still asleep in his bed in the blue and green bedroom under the blue and green duvet. For several minutes Dan just stares at him, his sweet face relaxed and peaceful, his plump lips that Dan gets to kiss open slightly against the pillow. He wants to stay right where he is, taking in everything that has happened and waiting with bated breath for all the things he's hoping will happen next. But his bladder has other ideas, so he slips quietly out of bed and pulls on the first t-shirt his fumbling hands get a hold of. 

It's foolish to hope that Phil will still be asleep when he comes back, he knows, but still he can't help but be slightly disappointed when he comes back and Phil is staring right at him. "Where were you?" he pouts and makes the cutest grabby motion towards Dan, who has to laugh a little.

"I went to have a wee, honestly. Do you need me to wear a tracking device?"

"Yes, what an excellent idea," Phil says and then stops motioning him closer. "Is that my shirt?"

Dan looks down. He honestly, _honestly_ hadn't noticed, but now there's a frisson of… something running through him. "Oh, uh, yeah, just grabbed something. Didn't want to walk around your house naked."

"Mmm, why not?" Phil mumbles, letting his eyes crawl all over Dan until he has to roll his eyes or blush from the attention. Then Phil smiles. "It looks better on you."

"No, you," Dan says shyly, because it's true.

"No… you."

"No… you!" He pounces on Phil in the bed, who squawks without much dignity but doesn't give up.

"No, you."

"Youyouyouyouyou," Dan says and follows it up quickly with kisses so he wins.

He's never had this before - early morning kisses and silly arguments, yes, these are familiar, although far better than any he's known before, but not this glorious new world opening up to him of sharing clothes as well as everything else. He wants to do it more. He is already fascinated with all the ways he and Phil are the same yet different. 

He doesn't understand the way their bodies have essentially all the same bits, but yet behave so differently. How can Dan tickle Phil's neck until he's blue in the face without getting much of a reaction, and yet all Phil has to do is swipe his tongue ever so gently against Dan's pulsepoint and he is a shuddering mess? How is it that nothing Dan thought he knew about his own bits seem to apply the same way when it's Phil? He doesn't know but he wants to find out all the minute ways in which Phil is not at all like him and yet exactly the same.

***

When the fifth time comes around he has worn Phil's clothes any number of times. Phil has even stolen his clothes back, although he swears Dan had just forgotten his white stars and stripes t-shirt when he went home on December 4th, but Dan knows how obsessed he was with that shirt after their little Skype session and he knows it's no coincidence.

They're messing about in Phil's room, playing with Dan's hat and the teddy bears, generally just being absolute freaks, and suddenly Dan has an idea.

"Wait," he says, "I wanna dress up as you."

"What," Phil huffs, but he's stilled his movement, the naughty dog puppet forgotten in his hand. 

"Yeah!" Dan is up, looking through the mess of clothes and crap that's everywhere. "Where's that…" He has an image in his head already, pulling out the items he'll need.

When he pulls his own shirt over his head to put on the white t-shirt Phil leans back on the bed and makes a predictable sound of approval, which is still incredibly gratifying. He shrugs the blue plaid cardigan on and goes over to Phil, who looks up at him, eyes dark and interested. He licks his lips, "Don't you want to borrow my bottoms as well?" 

Dan rolls his eyes but smirks. "Pervert." He leans over Phil, who cops a feel and murmurs "yeah" only to make a disappointed sound when he pulls away again. Dan puts on the glasses he has stolen and squeezes his eyes shut in abject horror. "Jesus, you are so blind. Ugh, this is making me nauseous." He takes them off again for now. "Quick, let's boot up the computer."

"Why? What' you need the computer for?" Phil asks, still flat on the bed and not at all with the program.

"Dailybooth, duh!"

Phil is sitting up now, staring at him quite intensely, but Dan is a man on a mission so he ignores him. The computer takes ages to boot up, and then it takes ages to open up iSight, and then it takes ages to get online. He snaps a couple of different versions with the glasses on, doing his best to focus his eyes and not look like he's going to vomit from the world being all blurry. 

"How's this?" he asks, settling on one picture.

"Uh, yeah," Phil clears his throat. "It's… good."

Dan sneaks a tiny look, but Phil is looking too stunned for Dan to process right now. He posts the picture, and then is suddenly going sideways on the bed, Phil tackling him so that he almost rolls off the edge. "Hey!" he protests, although really he should be used to this by now.

Phil kisses him, a little messy and sideways given that he's kind of lying on Dan's upturned hip. "Is it weird that I'm turned on by you right now?"

Dan snorts, but part of him is kind of pleased. " _This_ is what you feel weird about being turned on by?" he asks, and Phil bites his nose in punishment. "Case in point," he says, which makes Phil kiss him again in a blatant attempt to get him to shut up.

"No, but is it weird that I want to have sex with you because you're wearing my clothes?" he asks a bit later, after Dan has rearranged them so he's not half hanging off the bed and Phil is not crushing him and blocking the circulation to his legs.

"I dunno," he says and stares into Phil's blown pupils. "Do you think it's because you secretly want to have sex with yourself?"

He laughs when Phil ducks down to hide his face against his neck. 

"No?"

"Wow, that was convincing."

Phil rears back up, giving him an evaluative stare up and down. Dan tries to subdue the shudder that runs through him. "I don't think that's it. It's more like… these are my clothes? And you wearing them makes it feel like… you're mine too." His voice has gone quiet and earnest. "Is that dumb?"

The swelling in his chest is still such a new feeling sometimes, and it still seems to take him by surprise every once in a while. He smiles against it and runs his hand through Phil's hair. "Not dumb." They share another crushing, uncoordinated kiss. "I am yours." He rolls on top of Phil to distract him a bit from that statement, not sure he's quite ready to face what it means yet, and sits back. "If you ever do wanna roleplay some Phil on Phil action, I'm sure I can do an awesome Northern accent, though," he says, trying his best to look earnest, but is soon screaming and laughing when Phil tickles him mercilessly.

***

This time is different for a whole new set of reasons. They're getting ready to film a video for Dan's channel, and he comes back from straightening his hair in the bathroom to find that Phil has gotten dressed as well. He's wearing a white t-shirt and his black cardi. Dan stares at him for a moment.

"What?"

"Jesus. Is that what you're wearing?"

"Yeah? Why?"

Dan flaps his arms to indicate his own clothes. "We look like a fucking matched set or something."

Phil seems as if he's only just noticing. "Oh yeah," he laughs. "So what?"

"Dunno," he says as he comes into the room and goes to set the camera up. "Are we gonna look weird?"

"I don't know, Daniel. Somehow I don't think this is what's going to tip the scales," Phil says wryly, following him over and giving him a casual rub on his back and a kiss over the ear.

Dan looks at him over his shoulder and has another one of those moments where he feels everything so much. It's so silly, but he just thinks Phil looks really fucking good. So good in fact that he almost wants to throw the filming plans out the window and get back into bed.

It seems as if Phil mistakes his silence for something else, though, harking back to conversations they've had before, when Dan is panicking and worried about finding his way in all this YouTube mess. "You're still your own person. No one thinks of us as just copies of each other."

"And yet we've established that we are a bit narcissistic for thinking the other looks hot," Dan teases and sticks out his tongue.

"You're welcome to involve me in your narcissism any time," Phil says and does his best to capture Dan's mouth, but he avoids capture and goes back to fiddling with the camera, Phil's hand still resting on his back.

The truth is that Phil serves as a mirror to him in any number of ways that have nothing to do with clothes or hair. He listens to Dan's thoughts, pays attention when he tries to express his feelings, and he reflects them back with his own words and actions all the time. The things that make Dan feel they are similar (or sometimes even versions of the same person) are all their likes and dislikes - not how all their weird quirks are exactly the same because they really aren't - but how their personalities have just clicked. Every single thing that Dan thinks or feels seems to be complemented by something Phil thinks or feels. It's a heady feeling, and one that can't possibly be reduced back to the thrill of seeing Phil and thinking, "He's like me," although that's a part of it too. As Dan gets ready to capture them on camera yet again, he knows he's lucky to have found it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! [Like/reblog on tumblr](https://calvinahobbes.tumblr.com/post/184620802400) (or just come say hi!).


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